Friday, August 01, 2008

It's all in the butt.

Ladies and Gentlemen...I am proud to announce that my 10 month old, Simone, has officially mastered the critically acclaimed spin maneuver, the Booty Swivel. This scoot is no ordinary pivot, butt easy enough for an infant to crack. Though a bit cheeky, the Booty Swivels's primary objective is to improve tactical maneuver functions, maximizing visibility from every peripheral.

Essentially, at a sitting position, one must rotate around an invisible axis which has the posterior as the focus. The procedure exposes the bare naked flaws realized during the previous administration of the lesser "over-the-shoulder" glance. Unfortunately, Simone suffered many casualties behind this antiquated strategy. Given the disproportionate ratio of the circumference of her head in comparison to her body, the "over-the-shoulder" glance generally resulted in Simone sailing, head first, into the floor.

The bottom line is that when executed properly, the Booty Swivel eliminates all blind spots. With a manufactured safety heel dig feature, she managed her first successful roll over test yesterday, and instituted her very own anti-lock break system--which incidentally causes the toes and feet to involuntarily spring approximately 3 cm into the air. All of this comes standard with two front, side and rear airbags more affectionately referred to as "junk in the trunk".

Now she has implemented an emergency horizontal arm extension that helps to counter body weight mid-pivot, because one thing has always been more important than anything else...superior glutial balance. After reading this breakthrough, those naysayers who choose to continue in vain with the "over-the-shoulder" glance, to you I say, "tush, tush, tush".

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