General Observation....

Common sense is a lot like jelly. When you don't have much of it, make it spread.

Robert's 5th Birthday Party

Sadia and Simone attended Robert's 5th birthday party today. It was a themed party, and I must say that my friends' creativity with birthday party planning never disappoints. For instance, I would have never in a million light years thought to put electrical tape and water logs together to create "lightsabers".

My thoughts after today's droid attack is a mixed bag. On the one hand it's fun to watch our kids growing up together, but on the other hand I am regretting my diligence at pushing my children to crawl, walk, and talk. They really are growing up so quickly, and it seems like the days when Cheerios and velcroed pink bows have faded into a galaxy far, far, away...

Darn You, Burger King Drive Thru!!!

Few things are more disappointing than making a pit stop at a local drive thru in anticipation of an ice cold carbonated beverage, only to take that first swig of coke while driving off, and discover that your drink is flat!!!! It plum knocks the fizz right out o' ya!

Stay-at-Home Mom Just a Butt on a Log

When I came across this newspaper clipping from the Washington Post's "Tell Me About It" column..., well what can I say... I wanted to both roll my eyes in perturbation, and thrust my fist clinched arm in a downward "YES!" gesture signaling a victory for all moms everywhere. I'll refrain from commenting, and leave that up to all of the quick witted mommys in the blogosphere.

****** Begin Copied and Pasted Dear Carolyn Question******

Dear Carolyn: [My] Best friend has [a] child. Her: exhausted, busy, no time for self, no time for me, etc. Me (no kids): Wow. Sorry. What'd you do today? Her: Park, play group . . .

Okay. I've done Internet searches, I've talked to parents. I don't get it. What do stay-at-home moms do all day? Please no lists of library, grocery store, dry cleaners . . . I do all those things, too, and I don't do them EVERY DAY. I guess what I'm asking is: What is a typical day and why don't moms have time for a call or e-mail? I work and am away from home nine hours a day (plus a few late work events) and I manage to get it all done. I'm feeling like the kid is an excuse to relax and enjoy -- not a bad thing at all -- but if so, why won't my friend tell me the truth? Is this a peeing contest ("My life is so much harder than yours")? What's the deal? I've got friends with and without kids and all us child-free folks get the same story and have the same questions.

Tacoma, Wash.
***** End Copied and Pasted Dear Carolyn Question*****

Hang on a sec. Cool your jets, and read on for Carolyn's response to Little Ms. Child-free Tacoma Washington.

*****Begin Carolyn's Reponse to Tacoma Washington *****
Relax and enjoy. You're funny.

Or you're lying about having friends with kids.

Or you're taking them at their word that they actually have kids, because you haven't personally been in the same room with them.

Internet searches?

I keep wavering between giving you a straight answer and giving my forehead some keyboard. To claim you want to understand, while in the same breath implying that the only logical conclusions are that your mom-friends are either lying or competing with you, is disingenuous indeed.

So, since it's validation you seem to want, the real answer is what you get. In list form. When you have young kids, your typical day is: constant attention, from getting them out of bed, fed, clean, dressed; to keeping them out of harm's way; to answering their coos, cries, questions; to having two arms and carrying one kid, one set of car keys, and supplies for even the quickest trips, including the latest-to-be-declared-essential piece of molded plastic gear; to keeping them from unshelving books at the library; to enforcing rest times; to staying one step ahead of them lest they get too hungry, tired or bored, any one of which produces the kind of checkout-line screaming that gets the checkout line shaking its head.

It's needing 45 minutes to do what takes others 15.

It's constant vigilance, constant touch, constant use of your voice, constant relegation of your needs to the second tier.

It's constant scrutiny and second-guessing from family and friends, well-meaning and otherwise. It's resisting constant temptation to seek short-term relief at everyone's long-term expense.

It's doing all this while concurrently teaching virtually everything -- language, manners, safety, resourcefulness, discipline, curiosity, creativity. Empathy. Everything.

It's also a choice, yes. And a joy. But if you spent all day, every day, with this brand of joy, and then, when you got your first 10 minutes to yourself, wanted to be alone with your thoughts instead of calling a good friend, a good friend wouldn't judge you, complain about you to mutual friends, or marvel how much more productively she uses her time. Either make a sincere effort to understand or keep your snit to yourself.

********** End Carolyn's Response to Tacoma Washington*********

I don't know about you, but I have lots of child-free friends that get it. So, either she is actually a husband trying to figure out what his wife does all day, or the letter writer is not on the level.

About that "God is On Your Side" Theory

Tonight, Teddy read to Sadia from one of her usual bedtime stories. This is a nightly routine, and Sadia is pretty consistent about her book request. In fact, they read from the same book each night, so Sadia has the story memorized.

Because the story line is fixed in her mind, Sadia can "read" the book on her own. Tonight was no different. She picked up her book, and began narrating. However after finishing just two pages of the text, she grew tired of reading, and remarked:

"Daddy, you read this part, the rest is too difficult."

Teddy, expecting to reassure Sadia's confidence and fully realize the learning potential in that twinkling of a second, gently squeezed her chin, looked her square in the eyes, and said:

"Sadia, you can do anything. Nothing is too hard for you, because you are smart! And God is on your side."

Sadia, making a tangible connection rather than the meaningful one that Teddy intended, sensed the need for some cerebral thinking.  She argued:

"But Daddy, God is not on my side because I can't see Him..,"

She extended her left arm to the side, stretched it towards the wall, cuffed her tiny fingers into a bolstered fist, and hammered her knuckles on the wall as if to present State's Exibit "B" in her case against this God is On Your Side Theory.

[KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!]

Then she claimed with pointed clarity:

"AND, because the wall is on my side."

What a cute exchange, but Sadia's experience illustrates the essence of her pragmatism. She sees, hears, and understands largely in concrete terms (no pun intended). Since being on a "side" is also a matter of proximity, her comment made perfect sense.

It is easy to take for granted her naive understanding of the world. Still, her comment offered a fresh perspective that kept me giggling well into the night.

And, the Best Daddy Award goes to...

This brief exchange ensued between Teddy and Sadia, while he fished for what seemed a sure compliment. After all, he did just serve Sadia a piece of cake following dinner.

Teddy: Aren't I the best daddy you ever had?

Sadia: No (matter-of-factly).

Teddy: (taken aback)  No? Well, who is?

Sadia: (without missing a beat shoveling cake into her mouth) My mom.

Thanks, Brad

There has been a correction to my last post:

Thank you Brad for the oversight.

Apparently I overlooked a few (three) zeros in my crunching. Yet, not surprisingly, my panties remained bunched.

What if we narrowed the field to 150 million people? I'm guessing not every citizen pays taxes? I wouldn't mind a $4,000 dollar bail out/stimulus/welfare check (or whatever they're calling it these days).

Americans are SUCKERS!!!!

You know? I’ve been thinking about this whole "Economic Bailout Plan" and it's got my panties in a bunch!

$700 BILLION. BILLION???

As in a 7 followed by 11 zeros…?

Here's a better idea.

How about giving $2,000 to every tax payer in America?

300 million people X $2,000 = $600 BILLION.

Now wouldn’t that solve all of our problems AND save us $100 billion?

Please shoot holes in my theory…

Maybe E-Harmony should upgrade their services to include a genetic screening.

After reading this article in "Science News", you might not consider this such a bad idea.

It comes as a relief to know that scientists have finally come up with an explanation for women who are tired of cheating men: That's right girlfriend, his two-timing, tendencies are genetic!

Apparently, there is a link between a hormone responsible for the bonding activity in prairie voles and a male's inability to commit to one partner. Scientists chose prairie voles for this study because these mouselike creatures are famous for maintaining long-lasting relationships.

Besides the intriguing comparison that scientist make between men and rodents, this study concludes that prairie vole bonding has much to do with a hormone called vasopressin present in the brains of males. Since scientists were able to manipulate these hormone levels in the voles, making them more or less faithful, then it would stand to reason that perhaps some men just can't help but be unfaithful in relationships given the possibility of limited copies of vasopressin and ill equipped receptors on nerve cells in their brains. Well, duh!

And here I was blaming men for their commitment problems, when clearly it's a matter of genetics. ***

I was so excited to share this discovery with my blog readers, as I am sure that the results of years of scientific study will resonate with many of you.

So it's not bad enough to have their lives and self esteem shattered by infidelity, now women have contributions from science to thank for the rationalization of some men's asinine aptitudes.

For more on this article Click Here.

***Of note, scientists also commented on the link between prairie voles and their inherently unfaithful first cousins, the prairie DOGS, shedding some light on the strange behavior of men after they cheat: they lick themselves, scratch behind their ears, and then spin around in a circle before falling asleep (wink).

Prairie Vole
Prairie Dog
Two-Timing Dog

World's Largest Particle Smasher

Scientists, in an effort to recreate the Big Bang on a smaller scale, have created a super-machine, which lies 300 ft below the Earth's surface, and spans 17 miles. More impressive is the fact that it was designed to split atoms (spellbinding). Driving this experiment is a quest to answer the question, "What happened at the creation of matter?" (Sound vaguely familiar to anyone?)

Essentially, scientists have theorized that there are more dimensions to the world (ie, heaven), yet to be discovered. The gravitational pull within these dimensions is thought to be tightly wrapped, like layers on a paper-towel roll.***

Tomorrow, scientists will attempt to smash an atom using this machine.

Hmmmm, let's do a little risk analysis, shall we?

On the up-side:
They could potentially create a miniscule piece of matter so infinitesimally small that it would be able to travel through those tightly wrapped dimensions. The scope of which has implications in the realm of time travel.

They could also "resolve one of the biggest mysteries in physics, such as the existence of one long-hypothesized particle called the Higgs boson—or the God particle—thought to be responsible for giving all other particles their mass." (you say "God particle", I say GOD-- potato, potahto.)

On the down-side:
They could create a black hole that, though remarkably small, would only have the potential to SUCK UP THE EARTH!

What's that you say.., no word on a black-hole-sucking-reversal-thing-a-ma-bobber.., no worries. Proceed with experimentation as scheduled.

I know that this scientific post is a stretch for me (what with my uncouth thinking capacity as a Christian), so in lieu of drawing some empirical conclusion about the "Smasher", I've decided to leave you with an equally "smashing" insight, reputed by Doc, from Back to the Future (1985): "...if my calculations are correct, when this baby hits eighty-eight miles per hour, we're gonna see some serious $#!t."

For more on this, pa-lease Click Here

In other news, Christians have already discovered the existence of God, and the origins of Creation. All of this without sucking the Earth up into an abyss of nothingness (wink).

For more on this breaking news, Click Here

I shared the angle for this post with my husband who has been a great sounding board for past posts. He scoffed about my position, feeling that it minimized over 20 years of scientific research. In light of this, I want to make one thing clear regarding this post, I am in no way trying to disregard the overarching contributions of science. However, the irony in this article is striking. Historically, science has made.., well, a science out of discrediting fundamentally Christian beliefs such as the existence of God and Creation. Yet woven within the fibers of this cutting edge technology, are terms borrowed form the vary belief system which science has tried to debunk. Just a little food for thought (with a twist).

*** Sidebar
Maybe science is more progressive than I had originally thought, and --much like "undiscovered dimensions"--this faith-based cynic is just wrapped too tight (sarcasm).

BTW

Um, you failed to mention that the rest of my life would descend into utter chaos if I devoted an entire day to reading, commenting on, and publishing blogs.

Free, Clean Dirt: Because you never want to pay for dirty dirt.

Free dirt? Seriously?
Right, because I'm always looking for a good deal on dirt? Because I can't just get some from my own backyard (or my neighbor's backyard for that matter). Because the English language hasn't already coined a whole phrase ("dirt-cheap") illustrating just how free dirt should be? Seriously? Heaven forbid that dirt should be dirty, right? Because we all know that there's a whole lot of "clean" dirt just laying around? Does there really need to be a billboard requesting "free dirt"? And did someone actually pay to have this sign made?

Then again, maybe I've misinterpreted the sign. Maybe it's a "wanted" poster for a Mr. Clean Fill Dirt's arrest or perhaps the sign is advertising a rally to "free" a Mr. Clean Fill Dirt. Am I the only one confused here?
Nuff said.

Just in case you thought it was fundamentally impossible to burn a boiled egg....

(Please, avert your eyes if you have a hair trigger gag reflex.)




Yes, folks I have managed to burn a boiled egg?! Until today, I didn't even know that this was possible.