Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Stop Trying and Move Maggot

(Photo found at caica.org)

The poem...
The Sergeant 
drills off-beat maggots on the cadence
yelling, You have fallen off the Pine!
Grab your crutch, lean, and toe the line!
With my kids
I step back, look straight ahead, and try
not to move a muscle.


The change....

I've had a change in perspective over the last few days.  It's been a gradual change; like tick, tick, tick, a-ha!  I've thought a lot about being a mom. Confession. Reflection. Rehashing.  Feeling insecure all over again.  But it ran it's course, so I was "over it".  Then it became clear, like your vision the first moments after you wake. The view comes into sharper focus after you wipe the haze from your eyes.

The process....

As a mother, I get so much unsolicited parenting advice from well-intentioned people. It's as if there's a sign taped to my back that reads: HELP! I'm a Newbie, and I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing wrong.

Maybe the fact that I am constantly second-guessing my own decisions makes it seem that other people are more critical of me than they actually are.  But despite the fact that I'm doing my best sometimes I get the sense that I am being nitpicked, and that some people are just being downright nasty. 

Sometimes I feel like I'm in mommy boot camp, and that my insecurities signal that I need a refresher course in basic training.  My naivet√© becomes a welcome matt on which nit-pickers perch and bark orders.

The new direction....

In these moments the criticism is debilitating, and all I want is the strength to stand up for myself and say, "Thanks, but no thanks," then set my sights ahead, and begin moving my feet in a more positive direction; down a path that does not involve getting beat-up over imperfection.  From this stand point, I am fearless.  I can tackle any parenting obstacle that comes my way and do it with reassurance that God is able, my best is enough, and I am enough.

HOORAH!

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4 comments:

Lisa P said...

I resonate SO much with this post. Not so much about unsolicited advice, but my own misgivings. I'm so critical of myself. I want the strength to stand up to my own inner tape and say "Thanks but no thanks" because my God is able! Thanks for this!

Brazenlilly said...

Yes! I hope sometimes you have the strength to say "thanks but no thanks." I rarely do. i just fake smile and simmer. You are a good mom, Dionne!

Carrie said...

Dionne, the fact that you think about these things so often makes you a good mom. You are a fantastic mom. Those little girls are purposely placed with you and they are going to be amazing young women if their mother is any indication of how they'll turn out.

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