Tuesday, June 23, 2009

May Their Cups Overflow

I know that I have been neglecting my blog over the last month, but it is not for lack of desire or  material. Even though I am on vacation from teaching, I feel like I just traded in one full-time job for another more important one-- bonding with the girls.

Two weeks ago marked the end of a long struggle with childcare. Being a working mom, my children are really vulnerable when it comes to finding a provider who really cares. Unfortunately, the last few months have been a lesson in navigating the storms of inadequate daycare (to say the least). Fortunately, the storm is over now and our children will be moving on to something more nurturing.  

It seems unreal, but Sadia will be starting Kindergarten in the fall. We've experienced a barrage of documentation, updating records, and testing for her placement. I am both anxious and excited for my soon-to-be Kindergartener. On the one hand, Sadia has overcome so many hurdles from her previous experience in daycare. She has endured prejudice, mistreatment and only God knows what else, but she has become a stronger and more resilient kid as a result. I have high hopes for what her school years will bring: perhaps a fresh start with more skilled and loving people who genuinely care for her and embrace her differences. On the other hand, there is still a part of me that worries. I realize that I cannot raise my children in a bubble, but what I can do is raise them to love in the face of hatred. I want them to learn to champion injustice with audacity and emerge from it unscathed. Enrolling in a new school will be an opportunity for elasticity.

Simone too has seen her fair share of set-backs. Last month she was diagnosed with Eustachian Tube Disfunction, a condition in the ears which causes her to hear as though she is underwater. When I learned of her diagnosis, my heart sunk. As a parent, it is amazing just how much of my children's regular body functions I take for granted. Thankfully, the complication with her ears will correct itself as she matures, but in the meantime in between time, she will struggle. Since her diagnosis, we've been back and forth from this specialist to that, from audiologist to speech therapist trying to equip Simone with the skills to weather this storm. With each appointment comes probes and prods from this instrument and that, and she is growing increasingly more an more agitated. Clearly, she too is being dealt her own measure of toughness.

Teddy and I are still taking it all in. Trying to process it all has proven to be quite the undertaking. Although, I am sure of one thing.  Never have I experienced anything more challenging than being responsible for these two precious little souls that God has gifted to us. And so, for me and my three, this summer will be a time to pour. When Sadia reacts to bias with bitterness, I will pour into her patience and tenderness. When Simone grows agitated with her own shortcomings, I will pour into her tolerance and acceptance. I will pour into them until I cannot pour anymore and when my cup becomes empty, I will seek the Lord's bounty and continue poised to pour some more.


Rochelle said...

How lucky they are to have such a caring mom as you. : )

Lisa P said...

I identify with this so much. My natural instinct is to protect, shield, shelter, but even as I desire to choose that, I can see that it eventually hamstrings them. And so I look for strategies to build into them the character that will help them weather the storms of life. To face the challenge with the "oomph" needed to tackle it. I love that you analyze this! FYI: my cup comes up empty every afternoon about 3pm--that's as long as I last without a refill from God! =)

Crystal said...

Dionne, you truly are an inspiring mother. Thank you! You brought tears to my eyes and I hope to also receive the patience that God can provide me to be the best Mommy I can for my two little girls.
I just know that Sadia is going to thrive in Kindergarten and Simone is going to flourish in speech therapy!
I love you!

Tori said...

Believe me, your cup will not ever be empty. It's like God made it bottomless for mom's. Sometimes a breath is in order, but you will always have what you need to be the best mom you can be....and I think God gave you a little extra Mama! Your cup runneth over! You look great in those pictures girl! And I love to see those precious moments with your girls! Happy Summer!

Mike and Katie said...

We've missed you! Great pictures from the beach!

woosterweester said...

I love reading your heart! I'll be praying for you and the fam. You are no doubt an amazing mom, and your discernment over their lives and into their hearts will give you the edge in this processing time. God's in your corner! Have an awesome summer with your two cuties!

Connie said...

It's interesting...i just finished watching the video you posted on FB and thought to myself 'this is why i don't want to have kids'. Not because i'm selfish or because i want to avoid the responsibility but because why would i bring them into that. Then i read your blog :) and i'm thinking...this is why it would be ok. I'm giving up before i even have the opportunity. You have them and you are instilling in them the skills and characteristics they will need to live here...with that said...every step is a hesitant one, but overall, we can't avoid some of this hurt, unfairness, and/or experience...but with the positive guidance (you and teddy :) and integrity...the world will be better...as you raise your daughters to endure and persevere in this world =) ~ Connie

Nicole said...

Hey Dionne,
Motherhood ohhh motherhood - you never know what to expect but only to do your best. God is an awesome God and will never give your family more than you can bear. I know that you are a great mom yourself and yes, you will get through this storm also.
Never stop pushing for the best. Love Yah

Brazenlilly said...

Wow! You have a lot to deal with right now...above and beyond the normal motherhood "joys." I'm glad you have the summer to pour into these precious little peeps. Something Lisa told me that I will say to you: God has already given you everything you need to be the perfect mother to these people he made for you. That doesn't mean we don't ask Him for some help, though, does it?! You are an awesome mother & woman, & I am so excited to have a little window into the women these little girls will become under your guidance!

Hevel said...

Wow. I very rarely meet parents of children with Eustachian Tube Disfunction. One of my sons had an undeveloped Eustachian Tube on one side and a malformed one on the other one. For the first 2 years he had bone conductive hearing aids and now after a series of surgeries his only remaining hearing loss is less than 20 dB, due to a genetic defect. Without correction he could not understand normal conversation, but with his hearing aids his speech took off.

I hope Simone's specialists will find the right solution for her problem soon and she won't need to be poked and probed too much.

Anonymous said...

OMG....I'm really crying now. You are an awesome mommy. Keep up the good work woman.
The girls will be just fine. Simone is one smart cookie the speech thing will be a distant memory in the near future.
Teddy you're okay too :)

Love You Guys,


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